*originally published on July 21, 2021 via Squarespace
I feel a little bit like a bear coming out of a long hibernation these days. Masks are mostly off, things are opening up, and omg I’m hanging out with people again. It’s amazing and long overdue, but also a bit disorienting. I guess the better analogy is a baby deer learning to walk, all wobbly and wonky on its weak, skinny legs. After a year and a half of avoiding people at all costs, making sure I’m not standing too close, and spending every waking moment with just my little posse (husband, kid, dog), I think I forgot how to…act normal? Be social in the way I used to be? Hug people? Interact with strangers on the street? And while I missed human connection IRL (especially face-to-face time with my family + friends) I must admit I’m in no major rush to go back to life how it was before.
See, the silver lining to the pandemic for me was that everything slowed down, in a good way. The expectations were less, in a good way. The obligations dwindled. My time was suddenly my own, not anyone else’s. How novel! And because of that I was free to explore parts of myself I never had time to before. Since I wasn’t running from one social event to another, or saying yes to more things I could handle, or over-committing to plans because I felt guilty, for the first time in my life my creativity actually had space to grow. Physical stillness proved to be a breeding ground for imagination.
Unrelated (but related) I’ve also been interviewing for jobs I didn’t even know I wanted, but suddenly am very curious about. Jobs that I didn’t seek out, but that have sort of landed in my lap in one way or another. Having not had a full-time job in over 6 years it’s been an interesting challenge trying to tell my story, and “sell myself”. To explain who I am and what I’ve done. To describe my experiences and expertise in a world that has changed so much since I was there. And also to describe how far I’ve come from that world, landing in a different one where I’m no longer just a fashion editor but I’m a writer, too. My path has been windy, with a lot of stops along the way. I’ve done a bit of everything during my career which always felt like a plus, but now suddenly feels like a drawback because it’s almost too much for people to wrap their heads around. Do you need a market editor? That’s me! A wardrobe stylist? That’s me, too! A writer for a personal essay? Yup, me again. Someone to help tell your brand story? To creative direct a photoshoot? To curate content? To serve as a copy writer for a website? To appear on camera for TV segments, SMTs, or social videos? Well…you get the idea.
For these jobs I’m writing cover letters that aren’t really cover letters, but more like attempts to fill in all the blanks my resume makes glaringly obvious. I direct people to my website, which is a better representation of who I am, but it also falls short. And let’s not even get into my LinkedIn profile. Woof. The truth is, it’s difficult to package my story. My resume doesn’t have a line that says I’ve moved 7 times in the last 6 years. It doesn’t say I’ve lived in 3 different states and 5 different neighborhoods. And there’s no section that talks about going through years of IVF, finally getting pregnant, almost having a nervous breakdown, or how I rediscovered my love of writing, and tapped into a creative side of myself I honestly never even knew existed. My journey can’t be tied up with a neat little bow, and I’d bet a lot of other moms who left the workforce feel the same way. The same reason it’s hard to jump onto an already-moving treadmill, it’s hard to jump back into a job doing what you did before. Chances are your job is not available anymore. Or your company no longer exists. Or your industry has changed. Or—and this is the most likely of them all—what you want from a job has changed.
So here I am learning how to operate socially in this quasi post-pandemic world, while simultaneously re-learning how to market myself professionally. I’m also trying to dig deep to figure out what I want out of this next chapter of my life. It all feels very rebirth-y. It’s good, but overwhelming. I can feel the energy in the air of my life shifting, like something is about to happen, but I don’t know what or when. It can be unnerving at times.
The way I feel right now is reminiscent to how I felt about 9 months after having my daughter. Maybe other moms know what I mean? Or maybe anyone who lived through this pandemic can relate? There’s a sense of loss (of who we were), but also a sense of discovery (for who we want to become). It feels like a new beginning: figuring out how to set boundaries around who I give my energy to, and what I let take up my time AND figuring out who I am in the world of work, and how to tell my story. These all seem like big, heavy concepts, but I’m realizing more and more that the answers lie in the small decisions we make on a daily basis that eventually add up. So before jumping on that already moving treadmill (of pre-pandemic life OR pre-mom life) we just have to remember to stop and take a beat. Go slow. Be a little cautious. Kinda like we’re learning to walk for the first time.
xx
Cris, your older sister
Things to do because I said so…
Relive the pandemic
Ok I know that headline is alarming but I’m only half kidding, I swear. Jess Davis, a writer and creative director living in Brooklyn, decided to turn the pages of her journal entries into a short film in hopes of capturing the unique moment in time that was 2020. Jess, who I know through the endlessly inspirational community that is Brooklyn Writers Collective, describes herself as a “collector of memories”, and although she’s generally very private and doesn’t document or share her personal life, she was “just completely in shock as to what was transpiring and wanted a record of it”. What started as writer’s block at the onset of the pandemic, turned into a flow of words unlike anything she had written before, all thanks to daily writing prompts sent out via the BWC listserv. “I sat in front of my computer crying reading everyone’s responses to the prompt,” she said. “Here it was in black and white on my screen that many others were having a hard time, too.” So she wrote, and the concept of the film followed shortly after. I urge you to watch this film, and then watch it again with your kids. It’s an incredible time capsule of sorts that will make you laugh and cry and immediately want to share it with everyone you know. So…this is me sharing it with you all. It will be the best 19 minutes of your day, I promise.
Try a new show
I first tried The White Lotus not because I really wanted to, but because I had run out of other things to watch. It was more of a why not? situation (although I will admit that when I saw Jennifer Coolidge was in it my interest was piqued). The show is about a luxury resort in Hawaii, and the interactions between the staff and the guests. An episode drops once a week and now that I’m 3 in I can say I’m so glad I had run out of other things to watch. On its surface the show is very good—everything from the plot to the casting to the writing checks all the boxes—but what makes it great is the music. It’s hard to explain, but in the background of the show there is always music playing whose tone doesn’t quite match up to the tone of the scene you are watching. This creates a push-and-pull vibe for me as a viewer because of the disconnect between what I’m hearing and what I’m seeing. It’s quirky! It’s different! It’s interesting! The unique musical score catapults this show into another dimension, changing the meaning of the actors’ dialogue and altering the meaning you take out of a given scene. At this point in the pandemic I bet you’ve run out of things to watch, too, so what are you waiting for?
Make an old dip new again
Maybe you have plans this weekend to meet some friends for a park picnic? Maybe you’re hosting a BBQ in your backyard? Or maybe you’re actually having people over INSIDE YOUR HOUSE (!!!)? Whatever your plans are you must make Jennifer Fisher’s Roasted Scallion Dip. Don’t ask questions, just take my word for it. It’s a recipe that’s fast and easy, and brings me back to my childhood because it’s an elevated, modern version of the Lipton onion dip from the packet (you know the one). Back then my mom, and moms everywhere probably, served it with Ruffles, but I’d swap in Cape Cod chips for this version. Although who am I kidding, this dip is good on anything. *Older Sister Tip: double the amount of lemon the recipe calls for. Trust me.
I’d love to hear from you!
Are you dying to tell me how much you love my newsletter? Are you desperate to tell me how right I was about something I told you to read, watch, or do? Or maybe you need some older sister-ly advice about something that’s been plaguing you? Hit me with it in the comments.